i am so confused....

[	MooD	|	T_T	]
[	SongS <3	|	Even Though It Hurts (Gaseum Apado) - FTTS	]

Sorryy!!

just like the title says,, I AM SOO SORRYY!! i haven't written a blog for a long time.. ya wanna know why guys and gals who actually reads my xanga... it is because I AM IN UNI!! *shudders* scarryy i knoww!! gosh its like crazyyyy... soo many papers, researching stuff.. ahh!! currently i am a UTAS student.. UTAS = university of Tasmania.. yeahh.. i'm tellin ya... its a 2+1 program.. i'll stay in Jakarta for 2 years and then go to Tasmania the last year... i am actually enjoying the classes... the kids are so nice and fun to be with.. and one of them is good to look at too!! hahahaahahhaa~ i take Business and majoring in Marketing and International Business... currently taking 3 classes.. Introduction to Management, Accounting & Financial, and Information System... *sigh* it may seem fun, but IT IS NOT!! soo many workk!! i should've done 1200 essay for Management, and 2 Excel for IS... the excel is okay but the essay is like hell! i never like essays soo.. it is nothing new!! hahahaha~ but when i'm bored during class, i could just play on my laptop... yeahhh LAPTOP!! all i need know are seeing Mon Amour and buy SE W900i!! i soo want that cellphone!! but it is too expensive...T____T

my relationship is going well.. i mean we haven't fight for a while.. just disagreements.. but then we would make jokes about it... *sigh* i miss him so much.. my parents and sis are going there this week for a week.. not staying in the city where he lives tho, but I WANNA COME!! at least i could see him oncee!! TT____TT but there will be other times.. and i can't wait for that time to come... i miss tickling him, pinching him (playfully of course), and punch him (playfully again..)... at least nothing bad is going to happen between him and i.... right??? well only God knows what is going to happen...

other than uni life, i've been busy with LeeHom Indo project... but i am having fun with it.. and i am also with my activities  @ church.. which btw i have to inform you..  one of my choir is going to have a concert @ Santo Andreas Church, and I will be in it!! come come!! it is on April 29th.. and we will sing 14 songs!! that is a lot.. but it is fun..

got nothing else to say.. except.. i miss a lot of people at this moment... i miss Mon Amour of course, i miss EVERYBODY I KNOW in MD, and all my SGJ schoolmates.... goshh i haven't seen them in a while.. esp everybody in MD.. i haven't seen them in AGES!!! TT____TT i don't know when i can come now... sorry guys and gals...

well thats it for now... bye byee..!!

why??

[	MooD	|	sad	]
[	SongS <3	|	Ni Bu Zai - Lee Hom	]

i have soo many question that i want to ask everybody in my family that is against my relationship with Mon Amour....

1. why am i not allow to be with him?
2. why are you always talk bad things about him?
3. do you ever think that he has change?
4. or he will change?
5. do you ever think that he regret everything he has done?
6. do you ever think that what he did was not what he wanted?
7. is he that bad so that he can't be with me?
8. does his status matter to you?
9. does his past matters to you?
10. why aren't you just let us be together?
11. why both of us have to go through this phase?
12. do you ever think how we feel about each other? 
13. do you know how much we love each other?
14. do you ever know what we've gone through together?
15. do you know why we didn't tell you at first place?
16. do you know it is not him that flirts with me it was me?
17. do you know that if i don't contact him i would go crazy?
18. do you know how much i care about him?
19. or him about me?
20. do you know that like father doesn't always like son?? they are not always alike?
21. CAN'T WE BE TOGETHER?
22. if not, why do you always say that you want me to be happy?
23. why do you always say that i can be with whoever i want at least i'm happy?
24. why do you always say that soulmates never go anywhere?
25. do you know why i chose him?
26. do you know why i don't want to lose him?

it is because i think he is my soulmate... at the moment i have a feeling that he is my soulmate! so please just let us be!!

am soo sorryy i have to let that all out... it started b/c  my mom was talkin about my uncle who keep on drinkin all the time... and she said Mon Amour's name and keep saying about how he drinks all the time, just like his dad.... and he won't stop until his health is bad, just like his dad... and blah blah blah... i wanted to cry that moment, but i can't, b/c my sister was there... i get tired of my family keep on talkin bad about him.. he has change! he doesn't drink a lot... he drinks because MY UNCLES told him to... if he doesn't drink they will say you are such a stuck up or snob!!

i need to talk to him.. i need him.. i want him... i miss him... i want to protect him.. i want everybody to change their opinion about him.. i love him...

[	MooD	|	sick	]
[	SongS <3	|	LeeHom old albums	]

i read Iphie's xanga about her leaving jakarta, leaving all her friends, and meeting new people in new environment.  i also read nanda's and omar's xanga about saying goodbye to yasmin.  it touched me in a way,, it made me think what will happen to me in 2 years time.  i probably will leave to Tasmania and leave all my friends, family, and Mon Amour for a year and have to adapt in the new environment.  i am scared... i don't want to leave... i hate moving!! i never like to move.... i always cry when i move... i know i am a cry baby!!

to be honest, i don't want to be further apart from Mon Amour... i told him about my uni which is 2+1 (2 in Indo and 1 year in Australia) and he was like "if that is the best thing for you and your study, just go.  it is only a year, not long isn't it??"  it easy for you to say!! i don't wanna leave!! i wanna stay here and finish my study..

anyway,, on monday was the orientation of UTAS.. it was not bad.. then tuesday was like preparotary study of business and math exam...not bad also.. it was fun in a way...

err.. got nothing else to sayy,, except good luck for everybody with their uni life in Aussie or somewhere else!!! miss you already!! esp. ayu and halida!! my buddieeesss

100 random things about me!

[	MooD	|	cold	]
[	SongS <3	|	Ungu - Demi Waktu	]

everybody is gonee or will be gone soon!!!  i am a soon-to-be a college kid.. i can't believe it!! i'm getting older!! ahhh!! time goes by sooo fast!! i still can't  believe it!! well got nothing to say.. just.. being bored and do this 100 things about me..

100 things about me that you might not care to know: (or probably know already)

1. I don't like to leave anybody i know..
2. I don't want anybody leaving me...
3. I don't like farewells
4. I like the words "see you later!!"
5. I want to be really talented
6. really smart
7. learn as many languages as i can
8. learn as many instruments as i can
9. but my laziness overcome all of my wantings
10. lately i don't give a damn about college
11. or university
12. all i want was getting married (its true!)
13. i hate liars
14. backstabbers
15. and along those lines...
16. I never love my exboyfriends
17. i only like them
18. I love Mon Amour
19. he is the first guy i really love
20. I've been kissed
21. i had my first kiss in 1999
22. i had soo many crushes
23. but i never tell them
24. i can't tell them
25. they are my best boy friends
26. i was a boyband maniac
27. i still am
28. i want Doraemon
29. so i can go anywhere i like anytime
30. and see my future
31. i don't want to date anybody younger than me...
32. i like guys who are older than me...
33. max age differences is 15...
34. no more.. but could be less
35. i swear to God i had a dream where i married Prince William!!
36. and another dream that i dated LeeHom
37. i am not myself when i am in front of my teachers
38. i am not as innocent as you think
39. i really really wanna go around the world
40. i want to visit as many countries as i can
41. i've always want to be a singer
42. and an actress
43. i think i could act... never know if i have that talent
44. i am scare if Mon Amour cheated on me
45. i don't know what to do if my family find out about my relationship with Mon Amour
46. even though i always say i am ready to tell my parents, uncles, and aunts
47. it turns out i am not realy ready...
48. but i really want them to know...
49. i have too many best friends
50. everybody that i know is not always my friends
51. but i don't have enemies...
52. well maybe i have one enemy...
53. i really wanna have a reunion with ND kids...
54. i wanna have a reunion with E.B. Wood MS kids...
55. and RHS kids...
56. and SGJ kids...
57. i can't believe i've been in Indo for almost 2 years..
58. i can't believe i only known Mon Amour for 8 months...
59. it feels like i've known him all my life...
60. i never think that my late grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins are really gone...
61. i never think i am smart
62. i know i'm lazy
63. i don't like being compare to other people...
64. i am who i am, like it or not
65. i am competitive...
66. which means i don't like to lose...
67. i've wanted to kill myself lately...
68. by hanging myself...
69. or by shoot myself in the head
70. I love being Catholic
71. but i don't hate anybody with different religion
72. i hate terrorism..
73. i am glad i am not in Bush's country anymore
74. because i hate him with all my heart...
75. I never like History
76. but i want to visit as many historical places there are..
77. i want to go to the holy places...
78. i want to go to Vatican
79. I love Man United no matter what
80. and Liverpool
81. because they are THE RED DEVILS!
82. i got accepted into UTAS (university of Tasmania)
83. and their symbols is THE RED DEVILS!
84. i argue with my family a lot, but i still love 'em
85. I don't know why i like Mon Amour at the first place
86. I don't know why i love him now...
87. i will never flirt with my friend's boyfriend
88. i will never look for a guy while i'm in a relationship
89. i never cheat on anybody
90. but i've been two-timed before...
91. and it is not what i wanted anymore
92. i don't want my marriage to be arrange...
93. i want to have traditional wedding..
94. i wish i know who i will marry...
95. is it Mon Amour??
96. i want to sign up for Indonesian Idol, but i can't take criticism
97. I love LeeHom
98. and Shinhwa (esp. JunJin)
99. and Mon Amour no matter what!!
100. I can't believe i did this... hahhahaha~